my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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