Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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