got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
