I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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