the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
