i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
