We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
