Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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