I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize