Who did Billy Mays play for?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
