Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
