in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
