whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Soap is not a condiment
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
