Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
