last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
