youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
