Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Even my vagina gasped.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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