dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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