I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
