Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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