i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
