haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
