when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
