how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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