chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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