Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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