Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
