I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
