yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
BRING THE BAGELS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize