Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
