On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
my poor anus
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
