Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
