the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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