I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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