The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
