Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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