we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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