Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
