You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
