Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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