Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
