I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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