I swear god or herbie drove my car home
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
