I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
