Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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