Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
