i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
