All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
