wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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