just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
