I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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