I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
