does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
