Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
