Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
