the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
