the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
