Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
