People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
did you just send me my own nude
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
