What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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