Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
