No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
