I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
