I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize