I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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