My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
