THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are the jesus of drinking
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
