I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You should frame my arrest warrant.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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