Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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